Philly Pride

Looking back on my life, the thing I notice is my inability to stay rooted. Even when I've stayed in one particular city, the urge to move all around is always there.

My home was, and in my heart, always will be South Philly. To me, there's nowhere like it in the world. It might as well be from another planet. We just do things different there. Whenever I tell people I'm from Philly, the reaction I get most is that look like the person just put something sour in their mouth.
It doesn't bother me. Philly has this reputation for some reason but if you never lived there, you wouldn't understand. I had a co-worker tell me that he went to a Eagles/Giants game in Philly and someone threw soda at him. It struck me as odd until he said he was wearing a brand-new Giants jacket. What the hell did he expect?
Philadelphia is a lot of things, some of them not so pleasant. If you want that, there's a place in Jersey named Mount Pleasant. Go there. What Philly is though, is a place where very strong ideals and convictions are formed. We learn loyalty at a young age, and understand that it stays there in good time and bad. We learn honesty at a young age and if my honesty hurts your feelings, I don't know what you want me to do. My wife will often tell people "He's from Philly...he doesn't know any better" and she's right. I call it like I see it.

This look says it all

If I see stupid, I don't try to find an excuse for it, I call it stupid. We don't have excuses in Philly. We have stories though. We have at least a dozen stories for any situation. In the end, if we did something stupid, the story says we should have known better so we wouldn't be standing there all stupid-like. We take responsibility for ourselves. If our kid breaks a window it's because he's a dumb-ass and has nothing to do with the way he was breast-fed or the way his grandfather spoke to him. Likewise, the proper way to deal with such an incident is a good kick in the ass...we have our own kind of therapy in Philly.
We learn to laugh at ourselves. We think funny is funny and the rest of the world should pull that stick out of their ass and stop trying to be so damned polite. If you do something that makes people laugh, why in the hell would it offend you? It would make me feel much worse if I did something that made people throw bottles at me. Listen, everybody does dumb things...if someone gets a laugh out of it, go for the ride. They'll do something just as stupid one day and then you can laugh.

We have a unique way of talking. Nine times out of ten, people have no idea where I'm from. When I first moved to New York, one guy asked me if I was from Oklahoma...Okla-frikkin-homa. Other bets were Florida, Minnesota and my favorite, Hawaii. A lot of people joke about the way we talk and that's OK. I do pronounce water as wooder, sausage as saaahsage and according to my wife, I enunciate every single letter in the word beautiful when I say it. I also say "y'all" when referring to a crowd and "youse" when referring to singles or small groups. The word "Yo" is standard and not an option to drop.

We have an attitude in Philly too, only we pronounce it "atty-tood" and we mean it. The funny thing about that, is that apparently it is genetic. My daughter has it and has only been to Philly twice for a day each time. Sometimes we are accused of being mean. It's not a matter of meanness, it's a matter of low tolerance for stupidity. If I explain something to you and you don't get it, I'll explain it again. There will be no "mean" spirit in it. If, after I've explained the fourth time and you still look at me like I have an extra eye in my forehead, then I'll have to tell you to go fuck yourself. It's not being mean, it's a matter of survival. Stupid people will leech your brain cells right out if you let them. Their greatest asset is to make you as dumb as they are. This way you're on new ground and they have the upper hand since they have more experience.
People think we're rude and unrefined. Simply not true. We don't like outsiders for the above mentioned reason. We do things a certain way, a way we were taught as children, and when you come to visit our city you just screw things up. Like when we drive, it's slow on the right, fast on the left. If you come here and have no idea where you're going, you better have your ass in that right lane. But more often you don't and we have to get rude.
You say we're unrefined, we answer "Your mother is unrefined!" Yes, we're very big on dragging mothers into arguments in Philly. Truth of the matter is, Philly is very refined. Philly is on the leading edge in fancy. We have great museums, the nation's oldest zoo, some of the country's leading restaurants and top innovators in industry.

 We have history! Philly was the first capitol of America. Philly was where our forefathers declared independence from England. Philly is where the first flag was sewn.  Philly is loaded with history. We have places like Elfreth's Alley, Independence Hall, The Liberty Bell, The Benjamin Franklin Monument, Old Christ Church...we have it all. We even have a plaque that tells you where Larry Fine was born! We don't play around.
We have historic Fort Mifflin, we have sites from America's Centennial Celebration, we have Betsy Ross's  house, Edgar Allen Poe's house, Thomas Jefferson's house and Ben Franklin's Post Office.
We have the First and Second Banks of the United States. We have Pennsylvania Hospital, the Fairmount Waterworks and the New Market/Head House Square Historic District.

 Philly has plenty of green too. We have places like East River Drive, renamed Kelly Drive after local politician Jack Kelly, brother of Princess Grace Kelly of Monaco. The drive winds along 4 miles of the Schuylkill River and has plenty of room for hikers and bikers.
Philly has Fairmount Park. Fairmount Park is made up from 63 parks with 9,200 acres of land. It is the largest landscaped urban park in the world. Not too shabby huh?
There's greenery all over Philly with local parks and squares everywhere.

 Philly loves a good time. We have the Mummers Parade, a one-of-a-kind celebration every start of the New Year. The Mummers have been parading since the mid-17th century and it is the oldest folk festival in the United States.
While the parade started almost at the same time as the country did, the first official parade didn't happen until January 1, 1901. "Wenches" and other women's parts were played by men. In fact, women were not allowed to participate in the parade until the 1970s.
The Mummers are such a tradition in Philly that there are often generational marchers from the same family. We even have the Mummers Museum in Philly.

Most of all, Philly has people. We have a diversity of people that bring so many different traditions and customs and somehow it all melds together and forms this amazing thing that is Philly. Yeah, we have problems but so what! Show me a city that doesn't. If you try to, every single person in Philly will stand united in their diversions just to flip you off. Philly is a treasure trove of ethnic diversity, meaning all the best and worst of such a mix is there. Without such diversity however, growth just moves along at a snails pace.
So Philly might not be such a bad place. Despite everything that Philly has, it seems that the true treasure of Philly, the things that make Philadelphians who they are, are unseen by the rest of the world. They'll still see us as rude, arrogant, loud and boisterous with very little regard for manners. We'll continue to laugh at that assessment. We know exactly who we are and what we have and in the finest Philly tradition, if anybody doesn't want to take the time to see that, screw 'em.