Father's Day

Today is my day. Father's Day. Today I rule supreme! That's right, today is my day. It is the one day set aside for Dad. Somewhere in history, June 19, 1910 to be exact, the very first Father's Day was celebrated in Spokane, Washington.

First time Dads have a lot of expectations during the nine months of pregnancy. They have this whole per-conceived notion of how they will act and then...baby. All that shit you thought and said is out the window when you see that little bundle. The first time you hold him or her, you get flooded with all these feelings you never experienced before.

It is a lot like when they put that emotion chip in Data on the Enterprise and he lost his positronic brain. He was nailed with things he had no knowledge of all at once and it overloaded him.
Same thing when you hold that baby. Things you have no concept of...like the idea that someone comes before you...start popping into your brain. Concepts like unconditional love...that alone will shift you into a gear you never knew you had and the next thing you know, you've spun out on the track and here comes the wall. Emotions can be deadly in the wrong circumstances and a baby is the fast track to those emotions.
But the subject is Father's Day. My day! The day when I can do damn-well what I please. Go where I want to go, do what I want to do and eat whatever I please. Yup, I can eat a big bag of chips if I want, I can watch boxing on TV all day, lounging in my underwear if I want and after that, I can go sit in the park and throw walnuts at the squirrels if I so desire. So far, what I have done is pretty much what I've planned. Somewhat. Kind of. In the ballpark.

I spent my morning catching up on some writing deadlines. That was fun. Well, it was a necessary evil. After all, I can watch boxing anytime I want right?
Then, since my wife works nights and her aunt is away this weekend, it was time for my daughter's bath. First of all, how can such a small child get so much water on the floor? And why do they need so many toys in the tub? Is it really more fun with the entire Disney family in there? I can understand Donald and Daisy, they're ducks. But Mickey and the gang? Really?
Well, that was interesting and really, I can throw walnuts at the squirrels anytime. It's not like they remember former concussions.
I did finally settle down with that bag of chips at least. I popped it open just around the time my wife woke up. So, I'm taking the roll of the househusband here and there's absolutely no problem with fixing her lunch. Hey, when duty calls, I'm there!
Apparently, when Dad gets called away, Anubis the wonder-dog springs into action too. Anubis, whom I affectionately call "Noob" looks a lot like Santa's Little Helper, the Simpson's dog.

Forget Marley, Noob is the worst dog in the world. This is a dog that would stay on the riverbank and watch you drown because ball-licking is so much more fun than rescuing. The kind of dog that farts in the room and gives you that look of disgust as he walks out.
At any rate, Noob saw an open bag of chips and no guard...it took all of three minutes for the bag to be emptied and for him to prance into the kitchen wearing it like the latest Gucci design.
But hey, I can eat chips anytime right? In fact, I'll be eating them one year from now! Right after I toss a few walnuts at the squirrels and while I sit around in my underwear and watch boxing. That's right, because it will be my day! That day set aside to let Dad know just what he means to those around him.
To his stupid dog with the empty chip bag over his head, to his squeaky-clean daughter and her squeaky-clean Disney toys, to his wife and her well-deserved and filling lunch and to his clients and their highly-anticipated ghostwritten projects. Yes indeed, my day! Dad's day!
Next year will be here fast. I'll just have to finish another sticky, hot summer up. Then it'll be winter before you know. Two or three blizzards and maybe another super-storm and before you know it, the third Sunday in June will be here and I'll be eating chips!
Happy Father's Day for all of you out there who have raised or are raising kids. For all of you that didn't have kids and are stepping up to the plate for some other guy's kids. For all of you that are tasked with teaching kids or watching them on the beach or volunteering to be someone they can count on and talk to. And for you single moms that pull double-duty, this day is yours too. Grab a bag of chips and a bag of walnuts and head down to the park...the squirrels are waiting.